FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA – Regan Smith, local savant known for such moments as “pretending fart sound was just squeaky shoe,” and “ate rest of curry even though already full,” announced she’s adding another classic to the list. On Tuesday, November 10, 2015, amidst admonishing herself for repeated abuse of commas, Smith, 28, told reporters she’s planning to spend an entire day “sometime next week” wearing red lipstick on her mouth.
“I know a lot of girls already wear red lipstick on their mouths and some of them have even blogged about it,” said Smith. “But I’m not like one of those girls. I’m a cool girl. Put ‘those’ and ‘cool’ in italics.”
Referring to the decision as “tough, but necessary,” Smith admits she’s a little nervous about possible fallout with her fans. “The Regan Smith they know and love has traditionally been very low-key when it comes to the mouth region. To see it covered with something as shocking as the color red might ruffle a few feathers, particularly those of my grocer and semi-regular morning bus stop companions,” she acknowledged.
As for the chosen lip product, the young pioneer says she’s exploring several options but is leaning toward something with blue undertones, “to make my teeth look whiter.” Current frontrunners include CoverGirl Colorlicious Lipstick in Candy Apple, Revlon ColorBurst Lipgloss in Ruby Woo, and a kitchen sponge soaked in the blood of her enemies.