Regan Smith Takes Patriarchy Down a Notch Through Side Eye and Gentle Sighing

Regan Smith accepts an offering from defeated man-scum. Photo courtesy of Regan Smith.

Regan Smith accepts an offering from defeated man-scum. Photo courtesy of Regan Smith.


Minneapolis, Minnesota – Regan Smith, self-appointed pasta baroness of the midwest, sent shockwaves through the tech community this week when she single-handedly knocked The Patriarchy down a few pegs. Describing the experience as “totally disruptive, a real game-changer,” Smith, 28, said she knew had to take decisive action when she found herself in a room full of irritatingly vocal men at a work event on Monday. Throwing professional decorum and concern for her own safety out the window, the brave activist launched into a full-blown assault, shooting sidelong glares and put upon sighs in the direction of the most egregious offenders. Though reactions to her bold protest were not immediately apparent, Ms. Smith said she feels confident the men in the room were profoundly impacted. 

“You could tell by their vacant stares and slightly less authoritative tones when speaking over the other women in the room that they were processing some real internal struggles. I think we can chalk this one up as a monumental win for feminism,” Smith declared.

While Monday’s incident was her most extreme demonstration, it’s not the first time the wily recluse has taken a stand for equal rights. From occasionally using the men’s bathroom when the wait for the women’s is too long to selecting “Needs Improvement” on an anonymous workplace survey about diversity, Ms. Smith’s record of radical dissent is garnering attention. Asked by reporters how the newfound notoriety has affected her standing in the office, Smith was surprisingly humble. “I mean, I’ve heard the term ‘modern feminist icon’ bandied about the break room a few dozen times, but I feel like icon might be too strong a word. ‘Paragon,’ ‘idol,’ or ‘fearless she-warrior’ are probably more appropriate.”

The Patriarchy is presumably hiding in a man cave licking its wounds somewhere and could not be reached for comment. 


Regan Smith